Failed attempts

I tried, and trust me, I don't want to live a life filled with fears and regrets and I tried not to. I tried to find happiness with you and you know it. But it failed, it went to waste as it always goes. As they say "You'll never know if you never try.", but what will I try for? If I'd want to hurt myself I'd jump of a cliff, punch a wall or even a mirror, I wouldn't try to fall in love just to fall out of it, time after time. Falling in love is easy but being happy with it is way too hard for me to get it right. For us to get it right. Or at least for what we could have been. And now all I can do is regret I met you, regret I let you come closer to me, regret letting you in with no intention of kicking you out. Wish I could do it though. Wish I could open my heart's door and put you out, in the rain, feeling the way I feel right now. Wish my absence would hurt you as much as yours hurts me.